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Eighth Year Cross Country

Rollin, Rollin, Rollin Down The Hiway.

Big Wheels Keep On Turnin...

Weekend Adventure-2008

Cross Country Journey-2008

What an exciting day it is! The time has come at last. Its been a year since we were able to gather together with our VWF family. This is to be a perfectly relaxing incredible weekend meeting new folks that have joined us and catching up with old friends on all that's happened in the year gone by.

It's a beautiful day and We will be touring and site seeing in total comfort in our lush double deck chartered bus that has all the comforts of home.

All the arrangements have been made and our bus arrives right on time. Oh too cool!!! A double deck bus no less!! As we are all ushered into the lower level of the bus the cheers subside and the last person is seated. Someone asked why we are not using the upper deck? "Oh but we are" Bev says, well um, we girls had to have somewhere to put all our luggage and necessities for this trip! You know a little makeup, some lotions and stuff. Only the essentials. The guys groaned, some whispered and then laughed.

Oh my says Jo....there is something strangely familiar about that bus driver and goes to investigate. "No, no...it can't be. It just isn't possible." A few words could be distinguished as Jo made an attempt to come to the bottom of what appeared to be an unexpected....sh sh....listen.... "you did what"? "What did you do with our driver Joe??" And where are you taking us?? Hey everyone, get this!!! It seems our driver has been hijacked folks she shouts, by our own Joe Brown." Joe tells us that he missed being behind the wheel of a big rig and doesn't know what came over him, however the original driver was happy with the bribe Joe presented him with and promised to not file charges for abduction or stealing our bus. Oh great! Well we will not let anything spoil our long awaited weekend adventure.

We rode along taking in the beauty of the countryside and chatting up a storm. Joe announces we will be stopping soon for fuel and a lunch break. Just ahead is a quaint little town ????? Our bus comes to a stop and we see a sign announcing we have arrived at French Lick, Utah ...??? Population 211.....well.... if nothing else it was a chance to stretch our legs, grab a bite to eat and we would soon be on our way. Little did we know......Jo

…someone was about to disrupt our little trip.  Dave the Wildman, wiggling back and forth on his seat as if in pain, wasn't feeling very well and looked a bit peeked. Deb noticed it too and asked him, “Do you always look this bad Dave?” With a sarcastic look he responded to her, “Funny Deb..real funny!” Kim couldn't stop herself from laughing and turned her head the other way.  In the mean time Pam and Betty were on the upper Deck, wading through the luggage, looking for some Tylenol to give Dave.  “Awwww isn't that sweet” says Steve!  Dave yells back “oh shut up Steve your just jealous!” Joe yells “hurry up everyone we only have 30 minutes to spend here and then I want to get back on the road”.  Steve and Danny were checking names off the list as each one of us left the bus…I looked at Jo with a giggle and said… “look at that, it takes two of them to count!” Dave proceeded to lay down and curl up on the last seat of the bus…he decided to stay behind being he wasn't feeling very good...“you just go ahead and have fun without me, I'll be okay, I think?” We all started walking across the parking lot none of us very sure about this little town. It looked a bit run down, gloomy, and very unnerving especially when we saw some people going around with their tongue’s hanging out of their mouths!  “They look like my dogs begging for food,” says Bev, I wonder what the deal is? Could it have something to do with the town’s name of Frenchlick? “Strange, very strange!”  “Maybe it’s best that we don't know” said Danny, we all giggled and unanimously agreed not to ask. Suddenly, PJ yells “it’s almost time to get back on the road so we better do a quick bathroom stop”. You know Joe he won't stop till the next town.  As the girls walked down the hill they took one look at the run down Ladies Room and froze in their foot steps!  “are you sure you really have go that bad?” says Betty?...You just never know what you will or will not find in there”  Then, just like clock work, Deb yells, “anyone have any extra Kleenex?”  There were spiders crawling all over the ceiling so Bev decided she would just run out in the woods to do her thing. Bev forgot that she falls over when she squats.. she couldn't get up..so the girls had to join forces and pull her out of the bushes!  With that traumatic experience over with we started climbing back on the bus with everyone rushing to get a window seat!  Quit shoving…Jo yelled! “I'm sure we can do this in a more orderly manner!”  “Gosh, she’s just no fun sometimes” says Kim.  Danny and Steve lost count so we all stood up again so they could make sure we were all accounted for..“Figures” says Jo. As the bus pulls away Delores says, “It’s fine with me if I never see that town again!” “Next stop Rocky Mountains ” yells Joe. Once we were all settled in many of us took a little power nap when suddenly, after only being on the road ONLY an HOUR,  Aletta and Marti yelled are we there yet?”  Deb shook her head in disbelief and said…….Bev


"What is that ahead of us?" as the bus came to a halt. We all looked helplessly out the window at a huge pile of rocks and mud just  ahead of us, blocking our way..
"Oh no" Aletta said " Now what? We all headed out of the bus once again to
talk to the road crew. Seems there was mudslide and it will be a week before it can be moved
Joe said " Everyone quiet down and let me see what we can do. ".  In a little bit he came back and said" there is a road up around the mountain and I will take it on the condition all the girls don't talk." Bev said, "What
do you mean we can't talk? I can't do that and neither can any of the other girls. " Joe said " this is a steep mountain road and I need to concentrate and not hear your chatter or we go home. I am in charge of the bus." So the girls all huddled together and then Jo said "Okay we agree we know you can take us where we need to go."
So we all get back on the bus and Joe slowly pulls out and starts up a hill that looks like we are headed straight up. Deb grabs her camera and Steve says, "Give me that I am going to take a picture of you." Deb says "No way I am in charge of the camera you should have brought your own. "Now on that bus you could have heard a pin drop as the bus slowly headed right up that mountain.  Steve, Dave, Joe, and all the guys had made bets to
see which girl talks first. Kim moved over to the side of the bus to look out  the window and down the
mountain and..  Deb B

Steve decided it was time for him to have a look as well.  He opened the windows to see how far we will fall if the bus slides.  Just then a big gust  of wind blew in thru the window and messes up Bev's perfectly groomed hair.  She squeals loudly which causes Joe to slam on the brakes and he yells back at Bev to be quiet.  He then carefully and very slowly starts the bus going moving around some small curves. Whew!  We make it to the top and Joe stops the bus looking down the other side at the road he is going to have to take this monster rig over. 

Danny and Paul are saying this is nothing. We drive in this everyday...then Joe says lets take a break for a few minutes before we go down the mountain.
 All the ladies say good and off the bus they run to get some pictures of the low clouds that we are above.
Steve says to Dave...hey buddy I have something that will make you feel a lot better, Dave says well what is it and I pull out a bottle of my special Georgia Corn, Dave grabs the bottle and takes about two slugs and passes out, all the ladies are just a fussing and carrying on as I pass the bottle around to the good guys.
Marti says just look at that.   Aletta says and he didn't even offer us any, well how about that. The two Debs.B&E are just a laughing at Bev trying to fix her hair.
Dick is talking with the two new members of our crew, Kim and Delores about his adventures, While Jo, Sweet Pretty Jane, PJ, and Betty are saying we have to get rolling.
Joe says ok back on the bus and lets get off this mountain.
Donna was giggling and smiling as she picks a bird's egg from Bev's hair and asks Pam to come help get  the other pieces of debris that had embedded into her once high fashion hair do..   Bev is in tears by now and is screaming for someone to bring her a hat...quick!! 
As Joe starts to ease the bus down the mountain a big.....................Steve
 

Boulder comes sliding by.  Joe looks in the rear view mirror and says--"Hey Marti, you better take a look at Dave...he's looking weird from this view!   It looks like his cheek is swelling.  I can see it over the back of your seat!"  Marti takes a quick look in the seat behind her and says, "SWEET MARY AND JOSIE!!!  That's not his cheek---that's his..er, ahh, umm, CHEEK!"  Jo runs to the back of the bus, shouting orders to everyone-Dolores, you dial 911 on my cell and get an ambulance to meet up with us at that last town, ah..French Lick.  Have them meet us at that diner we stopped in.  Bev, you find a Band-Aid..OH NO!  Find a rope we can use for a tourniquet.  Steve, Aletta follow me, I'll be needing your help here."  Kim asks, "What's taking Betty and Pam so long up there?  They were just looking for Tylenol.  I think I'll check to see if they are okay.  Off she went up the stairs calling for Betty and  Pam.  Dolores tells Jo that the ambulance in French Lick will meet us at the diner to pick up Dave.  Joe very carefully turns the bus around and starts heading back the way we came...down the mountain and back to town.  Jo is on the phone with the Poos County General Hospital staff.  They are sending out Dr. Goforth to stabilize Dave.  Bev comes down the steps dragging a long fuzzy scarf.  "This is the only thing I could find Jo.  Where do I put it?  Around his neck or around his waist?"  Jo looks at Steve and Aletta and all three say at the same time....."WAIST!"  "Oh, by the way, I didn't see Pam or Betty up there.  Did they get back on the bus at the last stop?

 An anxious hour later, Joe pulls the bus in at the diner where a bright yellow ambulance is waiting with an EMT dressed in a yellow hazmat suit wearing a full mask and oxygen tank with a name tag saying Dr.Goforth hanging off the mask.  Jo goes out to tell her what's transpired while traveling back to French Lick.  "I took his vitals and his BP is 200/110  Oh!  Wait!  Those were my vitals!"  Dr.Goforth brings her equipment onto the bus.  After stabilizing Dave she asks Steve to help her roll the gurney to the ambulance.  Steve, ever the southern gentleman, smiles, nods and starts to  help.  Dr.Goforth exits the bus, Steve starts to follow----but, his big old cowboy boots got twisted in the fuzzy tourniquet Bev had applied around Dave.  Steve came tumbling out head first right on the tarmac parking lot  (he's out cold).  Dr. Goforth calls to the driver to bring the other gurney, they get Steve stabilized and put them in the racks and speed away.  Meanwhile, at Poos County General.....
 Dr. B.J.Fixitall is waiting for the ambulance coming down Main Street outside the hospital...she's in a Hazmat suit as is everyone in the ER.  Dr.Goforth gives her the facts on the two patients and says, "  It's not at all the same as all the others here...but it's grave, very grave"    The ER personnel get Dave in station 1 and Steve in station 2...Just then ....................

Pam

......all the members crowd into the ER room.  "SURPRISE!  Yep!  I have been working undercover on this trip in case medical assistance was needed.  I am Dr. B.J. Fixitall aka honoraryvet/Betty!  And WHF (What'sHisFace), I get the chance to work on you!" 
Dr. Fixitall tells WHF "It appears you've been bitten by a spider on your right cheek and I don't mean face cheek!  Of course you could 'turn the other cheek' but in this case, that won't work.  All that will work is a cheek transplant and they are rare and the donors are few.  At this point all I can do for you is shave your head so we can attach electrodes to monitor brain acitvity as you are becoming unconscious."
* Joe says he doesn't know if he can stick around for this as that wasn't in his contract.
* Jo tells us to save everyone we can as she needs all the members she can get!
* PJ has to take off really quick...her parting shot is "How did you let this happen, Dave you TWIT."  (We miss you, Kat.)
* Bev doesn't want to be a part of the surgical procedure she knows is coming!
* Paul yells that he sure won't be a donor!!!
* Delores, Kim, and Debbie E start searching for herbs and weeds in the area surrounding the hospital to put on the damaged cheek.  This just may work!
* Marti and Donna are holding Dave/WHF down as fever and fear kick in.
* Dick yells that his WWII skills just could save Dave/WHF if he has a chance to use them!!
* Pam yells "Oh, no, they just found out that Steve got bit, too!"
* Deb B runs to Pam to be sure she is alright.
* Aletta yells "Don't worry, Steve!  I'll help you...will I ever help you!"
Steve moans "That's what I was afraid of!"  He groans and yells to Dave (WHF) in the next cubicle "Hold on,  Saint brother.  We will make it out of here!"
Dr. BJ Fixitall aka Betty says "The good news is I can help you and will call in my trusty colleague.  I tried to get two famous doctors to help us - Dr. I. N. Stein and Dr. Frank N. Stein but they were unavailable.  The very good news is my colleague Dr. P. J. Enditall will be back here before you know it and she knows procedures that just may help us avoid the cheek transplant, Dave!  And she will help us determine what is wrong with you, Steve.  She will arrive tomorrow morning!"
A big sigh of relief could be heard from the group covering up the moans and groans from our two victims. 
Jo says "We should have checked the weather with Don before we left.  There isn't even a radio station here let alone TV to get any reports.  When these two can travel, I hope we can get out of here!  I sure hope that Dr. P. J. Enditall can make it to French Lick!"
All of a sudden, there was a loud roar from ..........
 Betty

__._,_.___
We interrupt your normal scheduled programming to bring you the following

Narrative as plot thickens

Now I just wonder where that spider that bit Wildman came from...could it have been that Wildman's plot with his bro Steve to terrorize  the unsuspecting girls with them....backfired??  Might that box have been traveling with us all along and hidden in the luggage??   I  think there is definitely more going on here than meets the eye...(wink, wink)
Our beloved fellas seem to be about to go under the knife.....I sure do hope that the good doctor End it All ......doesn't!!!   Should they survive I bet they will think twice before bringing along deadly spiders on another of our adventures.  Little did they know that the only doctor in French Lick is a veterinary who proceeded to give them rabbie shots and was often seen scratching his patients behind the ears, while giving out bacon bits.
Hmmm...wonder if that had anything to do with those town folks walking around with their tongues hanging out?? 
(Jo and Bob)

 
All of the sudden there was a loud roar from...
Steve in station 2, Aletta, Marti, Bev and Deb had tiptoes in his room and were passing the Georgia Corn between them. They had half of it gone before Steve woke and caught them.  Steve yelled, 'Give me back my jug'.  The girls gave him his bottle back which he gulped down and fell back to sleep. By the time Dr. Fixitall, aka Betty, came to see why her patient was roaring so, she found him fast asleep with a big grin on his face.
As the group slept in the uncomfortable lobby chairs they were waken by a tall beautiful lady.  She introduces herself as Dr.  Enditall, our very own PJ.  When the guys see her, they all come running to her with made up illness, just to talk to this beauty.  Jo, grabs each one of the guys by the ear, and says, There is no time for this tom foolery, we must let the doctor treat Dave and Steve.
Dr. PJ goes into Steve's room first it check him.  Then comes out shaking her head saying There is nothing wrong with him, other than too much drink. Be careful and don't let him breath on any open flames .  Then she goes to Dave room.  It seemed like she was in there for hours.  Nurses were rushing  in and out carrying trays and pushing carts with all kinds of instruments.  The group was really starting to wonder what she was doing.
Dick, Joe, Paul and the other Saints cough were standing outside Dave's door guarding it.  Donna, Pam, Betty and Jo were sitting, nervously trying to keep calm and discussing the hospital.  The nurses uniforms were cutoffs and tee shirts. The doc's had bibs on.  They were wondering what kind of Hospital this was.  They could hear dogs barking in the back room. 
 Kim, Delores and Deb E. were walking in circles. Aletta, Marti, Bev and Deb B were just waking up (the Georgia Corn knock them out).  
Then  Dr. PJ Enditall emerges from Dave's room carrying a covered tray. 
Momma Jo is fast out of her chair, running to the Doc to find out how Dave was doing and what was on the tray.  The doc looked grim and says....
 Aletta
__._,_.___
"Dr. Fixitall, this is a classic case .....you know the old saying, "Evil deeds will come back and bite you on the butt"??  It seems that's exactly what happened here!  Dave (WHF), Steve, and other unknown parties brought bugs and spiders to aggravate your womenfolk on this trip; one particularly virulent spider got loose; and Dave sat on it in the restroom!  The poison has permeated the entire...uh.....cheek and it has to be removed or this man will soon become the butt-less wonder of the Western World!!!!!   The best chance he has is to remove that cheek entirely (a job only you, Dr. Fixitall, can do!!) and try to find a replacement to affix to his person.
  At this announcement, Bev, Kim, Delores and Momma Jo faint dead away, and the guys all rush to fan them with their shirts and bring them to.  Considering that they've worn these shirts since the beginning of the trip, the odor might have the opposite effect!!!!
Meanwhile, doctors Fixitall and Enditall continue to consult........Dr. PJ Enditall says, " Considering that no one in your group wants to donate a cheek to WHF, and no one has one of the appropriate, rather large size, I think the only hope is to send a couple of the mountain boys out to find a bear.  The size would be right, the muscles would work in coordination with the human gluteous maximus, and although WHF would be rather.....er.....hairy on one side, it's better than being cheek-less!!!!!  What do you think????"   Dr. BJ Fixitall ponders this for a few seconds and replies, " I don't see that we have much choice; we have to do whatever possible.  I'll notify Danny and Paul and Dick, and I'm sure they'll start out immediately to get the bear for the transplant."  Dr. PJ says, "Oh, yes.........I forgot to tell you that a female bear would work the best for this procedure.  Better muscle and nerve coordination, ya know????  WHF need never know that he's wearing female parts.......unless in Springtime he starts chasing male bears.  That might be disastrous!!!!!!.     One more thing, off the subject......WHF was ranting wildly in his cubicle when I arrived to examine him.  (he has the SCRAWNIEST legs!!!!!!!!!)  Anyway, he was saying something about your bus driver, Joseph Brown who appropriated your bus,  and mentioned something about going through Utah before hitting the Rocky Mountains????  You do know of course, that to come to the Rocky Mts. after passing through Utah, you have to be going East......not West!  Are you sure this man is trustworthy???  WHF said the music Joe kept playing on the trip was outstanding, but could that not have been to keep you all calm and not notice where he was taking you????  You might be wise to look into that!"  
 The men were sent after the bear; the doctors prepared the O.R. ;  the delicate ladies who fainted were revived; Aletta, Marti, Carrie, Delores, Kim and the two Debs scrubbed so they could be O.R. nurses.  Bev refused, screaming, " I ain't never birthed no babies!!!!!!!!"   Dr. Enditall yelled "Stow it, Bev!!!!!  There will be no babies on this bus.....go comb your hair!!!"   Donna acted as activities coordinator to make sure all went as planned.
 In the corner, no one seemed to notice that the driver, Joseph Brown, was watching all the happenings and writing things down in a small notebook.  When he looked up, the expression on his face was.................................PJ

Narrative

Sounds like things are not going so well for our friend Wildman Dave.  It is our mission to help in the search for a replacement...cheek .....that it has been suggested that our hunters take a trip to the zoo to appropriate one.  I hope they will bring back one that is a perfect fit and to his liking. 

A female bear, hairy butt cheek...well I doubt that is one thing he will want brought up at parties....although can you imagine the conversions that would generate??   As for bro Steve, he will have a super hang over but that is minor compared to the most recent news just in.  It seems the local doctor/veterinarian has determined that Steve is pregnant.  How will he explain that one???  I bet he will be seeking a second opinion, ya think?? 
<giggle> Jo
 

When he looked up, the expression on his face was WHAT ????????????.He heard me say  This hospital transplant of a bear  cheek is hopeless until after spring arrives .  All the bears are hibernating till after Spring arrives. The only other place we could find a bear is at a zoo and I don't see one insight .   Steve gets out his map and says to driver Joe Brown we need to detour to Denver to steal a bear.   What did you say Steve says Joe, Steal a bear from the Denver Zoo! No ! No! not me says Joe. I am not going to jail because of you crazy guys bringing bugs and spiders along on this trip which was to be a fun trip to scare the ladies ... I think Donna is right says Joe to Steve , we need to wait till Spring arrives to catch a bear waking up .... ..   PJ, Bev, and Jo are wondering why do we have to wait for Spring . Pam says because you  won't find a bear out now  except the zoo!  The zoo! says Aletta , the zoo , my husband won't let me go on another trip with you ladies and guys especially if Joe and Steve steals that bear from the Denver Zoo.  Oh no says Danny , what is next to come of all of us............................................................

__._,_.___ Donna

We'd get caught and thrown in jail. That's what", wailed Danny.

Joe was still mysteriously writing down strange markings in his small notebook.  Dick walked over to him to casually ask if there was anything he could do to help.trying to get a glimpse of the info Joe
was so busy writing.   "Nope, says Joe." "Just what would happen if we attempted to steal a bear from the Denver Zoo?"..just want the facts straight so no one can sell this story under their byline and
screw up all of the actual facts". "Just the facts, Dick,.  All we want are the true facts".  "You know, we're very outnumbered with all of these ladies here, so I want any repeats to be ACCURATE"..."get
THAT?"   "ACCURATELY REPORTED". As Joe was our bus driver, Dick thought it best to leave well
enough alone and  since we were in the West...sorta "sauntered away"..and went back to where the group of ladies were wringing their hands.and making absolutely NO sense as to how to proceed.
Thankfully, Donna showed her usual "no matter what" disposition and positive thinking. She gave a whistle..which could have been heard clear back to the Grand Canyon!  "Listen up, everybody!!!"    "We are going to get help from someone who is trustworthy."  Dick has a cousin that used to be a college professor of Chemistry in Colorado Springs.and there are two of his Great Grandchildren now in the Denver suburbs.  Let's get the chemist...and the youngsters together.  Everyone knows science can do almost anything these days IF THEY HAVE THE RIGHT STUFF!""   Donna added "and all of us know that kids of 10 and 15 years old have that "right stuff"!  "Anyway, does anyone here have any better ideas? or do you still want to attempt to swipe a bear from the Denver Zoo"..   "I won't be any party to that kind of action,she added". By now, the remaining naysayers had calmed down and thought about
it.  They didn't want to do the "Bear Heist"..but they all felt they couldn't wait until Spring to help! Dave was in pain and groaning..the echoes from across hundreds of
miles back at the Grand Canyon  added a scary tension giving all of our travelers the shivers.
Dick pulled out a notebook and looked up his cousins current phone # in Colorado...When he tried it, he was told the cousin no longer lived there.and had been moved to a nursing facility in
Kansas years ago.   (Just what I get for not keeping in touch, thought Dick)    So, let's get the two young kids and make a connection with one of their nuclear instructors.  Dick told the bewildered gang no longer a group, but acting more like a gang..Those youngsters know a fellow who works in the NORAD headquarters in Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado Springs..and if worse comes to worse, we might get aid from the Airmen and Airwomen at the Air Force Academy.located just North of Colorado Springs.  By this time, everyone was getting a bit frustrated with Dick and Joe's ideas..while poor Dave continued to suffer and scream.  Jo broke the silence of thought with a hearty "LET'S GET ON WITH IT!!!!"   She explained that we should have asked for military help
in the first place..   No one argued the point until.....................Dick
 

the news of those blood tests came back on Steve…..PREGNANT?????  Our Steve is pregnant?????   The sounds of giggles could be heard from miles around, mixed with the moans from Wildman.

In spite of this shocking development, Marti gets on the phone to a contact of hers at the Air Force Academy .  After much discussion, they agree to fly in a surgeon who is just back from a deployment.  Now this Dr. Doomor Withless has helped many a soldier and after consulting with Dr. Fixitall and Enditall, he has agreed to do the surgery.
Meantime, chaos is reigning in the hospital as the girls are all in hysterics over the news of Steve’s pregnancy.  In order to bring some measure of calm to the hospital, Joe takes all the gals back out to the bus…..except Bev who is still trying to get her hair fixed….she snickers thinking about Steve and the symptoms that go along with being pregnant.  Perhaps this will cure those milk white legs of his.
Now Dr. Doomor Withless, has determined that a bear butt cheek transplant won’t be necessary after all.  In fact he has found a way to transfer some of Wildman’s remaining butt cheek over to the other side.   This prevents future problems of having to shave that side of his butt along with his face.   Of course, he will have to get new pants, now that he has less of an …….butt back there!  This is assuming the transplant takes!

Narative

It seems 2 of our guys have really gotten "themselves into a fix, huh?"  Who would have thought it?  I wonder if the strange happenings of this little town of French Lick will be reported on the 10 0'clock news or somehow quickly and quietly be dealt with by our doctors....maybe swept under the rug.   Jo is frantic!  Surely there is something more they can do.   Will genetics be the key?  Will the transplant for Wildman Dave be successful or will another compatible butt need to be located??    BTW...where's that mule he sent along to carry some of the guys special supplies, grill, ect. <snicker> 

Joe has the ladies dragging out all the luggage, clothes and bottles in paper bags from the bus.  Goodness, they find more than a dozen bottles of Steve’s stash in there.  Aletta is standing by with her fly swatter extraordinare to rid us once and for all of the spiders and other critters that caused this whole medical crisis in the  first place.  Bev steps outside to oversea the bug removal job, declares all is fine.
Everyone assembles in the tiny cubicle with Steve to hear the news of what will be happening.  We are all amazed that anyone could possibly have such pure white legs such as Steve has.  You know, those hospital gowns never cover quite as much as one hopes they do.   snickers   The doctors come in and we all hold our breathe while they inform us that……Marti…………..
 

they must weigh the options and quickly make a decisiion.  Dr.s Doomor Withless, Fixitall, and Dr. Enditall are busy conferring about how WHF (Dave's) but cheek transplant should be accomplished, being as there is so much extra cheek material for usage in this particular situation when Kim walks by with Bev and Pam headed for a cup of coffee. Kim and Dr. Doomor Withless recognize each other and say hello, they realize they met at a genetics conference.

Soon, the details off WHF transplant procedure have been worked out, Bev's hair is looking perfect, everybody has a cup of horrible hospital coffee and there is a moment to relax. Talk turns to Steve's apparent imminent delivery. Kim and Dr. Withless realize, without the benefit of years and years of million dollar tests, Steve must be a Chimera. (Just like Steve to absorbed his female twin before she ever had a chance to get started). Nobody even wants to speculate on how the pregnancy was actually achieved in this particular case.

The doctors, now with acidic stomachs and horrid gas from the hospital coffee, go off by themselves. They are muttering that if Steve really doesn't have a beer belly but actually needs a C-section, that there is just the possibility that stem cells from the cord blood could be used to clone WHF a new cheek rather than to do the transplant. The VWF group has had enough. The angels now have custody of the jug of Georgia Corn and decide a discrete sip wouldn't hurt a single one of them after what these saints have put them through in the past several hours. Kim uncorks the bottle, slings it over her shoulder and takes a “dainty sip”, smacks her lips, wipes the lid and hands it to Aletta who does the same before handing it to Momma Jo when all of a sudden there is a tremendous thundering crash.....
Kim 

"So much for being able to fix anything with a bit of chamomile tea!" Debby E muttered as they rushed toward the delivery room to assess the damage.

The scene which greeted their astonished eyes was something out of Alien!  With the first nick to do the C section, out burst not one but 2 babies, apparently one good and one EVIL. And they were rampaging in the delivery room as the good doctors tried to keep from being injured while putting Steve's tummy back together and he asked them to just take off a little more to give him back his schoolboy figure!

GT (for good twin) is trying to pick up and put away the stuff which ET (obviously for Evil Twin) is scattering on his rampage around the delivery room, scattering instruments, medications, bandages, etc.

Paul looks in on this scene, and promptly disappears toward the bus.
Returning immediately with what looks like an animal trap! Which he confirmed it is when questioned, adding "Well, I figure that Steve might want to try to raise it, and it didn't seem like I'd get by with just shooting it! So we trap ET and stash it in the bus until we figure out exactly what to do about this."

PJ and Debby E consult with Jo who decides that an emergancy call to a shaman may be the only hope of containing ET and turning him into a son his saintly (choke!) father/mother can be proud of.

The good Dr comes out and tells them Steve will be a bit silly from the anesthesia for a while, but that we don't need to worry a bit about this happening again, as she spayed him while she had him open.

Heads turned toward her retreating back as we all said "Spayed?...........
..Deb E

Heads turned toward her retreating back as we all said "Spayed?
Okay just what kind of town is this? Spayed?  Is our Steve actually spayed? What happened to having a tubal ligation?  Bev says out loud while patting her hair “Are men really different” The gals all shake their heads as they walk towards the bus.  Yes it’s hard to say if  Steve is silly or still hitting that juice  Paul remarked .  Everyone is talking  and Kim says wait!  We need to get out French Lick, Utah and Poos County General fast.
Jo says here we are Dave the Wildman just about to lose a cheek, Steve with two babies, and the women have yet to take control.  Kim says I wonder I am new to the group but Dick stated that he “had saved the group many times in the last 9 years” I think it is time to take action Dick!   
Dick is muttering that this is just a little out of his league however now that Paul has captured the beast I mean baby I think we need to get on the road and Joe usually thinks better while driving anyway.  The men go off to get Steve in the bus. 
The Shaman arrives and looks at Dave .  The girls have been great guarding poor Dave who at this time seems quite happy at the news of twins.  The Shaman says she needs some Georgia Corn but it is hard to find around here in Utah. Donna says wait we can help… girls where is that bottle we stashed for us?.
Betty runs and comes back with it and hands it to the Shaman.  Now we notice she is looking at Bev so much so that Bev is getting nervous.  She reaches out and says bring me that freeze spray you use and hurry we don’t have much time.  Bev can’t even move Betty runs to the bus and sees that the guys have “loaded” Steve up on the bus.  She grabs the can of “Freeze Forever” and runs back.  Joe comments he has never seen her move that fast not even when getting the Georgia Corn.  Okay I just need those herbs and weeds that you (pointing to Dolores) and Debbie E found.  How did she know that?
So with that she tells us to turn around  Dave yells its cold …wait I can drink that… No don’t hurt are you sure but I don’t know you…..me thinks ……ahhhh
The Shaman tells us to turn around and as we all look …..     Delores
 
The Shaman tells us to turn around and as we all look .
Forward a couple of the girls turned around to take another sneak peek at Dave's saddle round rear end cheek with a wonder look maybe thinking i wonder if it will ever be the same again. Then Steve hollered from the bus saying lets get loaded and get the heck outa this strange place of Utah. Joe liked the sound of that as i myself did as we weren't really interested in seeing another butt cheek short. So we all loaded the crazy bus and the Shaman was done with Dave so the girls helped load him i mean get him onto the bus as he was loaded enough. Joe had to find a turn around of forty acres plus or put rookie sticks on the bumper so a parking lot ahead did just fine and we was on our way east. Everyone was pretty quiet for awhile maybe regrouping in there own minds and trying to figure out just how Steve had twins unless he was one part Drak and one part human. I didn't even want to think about it as i thought better him than me and with Dave the same thought came to mind as well. I did do alot of thinking to the fact that the ladies was being awful nice and very helpful when those saints guys was having there go arounds. Then a light turned on in the head and a thought that maybe them ladies are planning something else for the saintly guys or the girls bad times will be on the return trip to the starting point. After all Bev patted her hair and all. Hopefully everyone will forget about what i (paul) caught and i can have myself a new pet after the trip. The ladies was worried about what the doc's and all would do or say in Frenchlick, Utah and Miss Betty spoke up saying it don't freakin matter as we are not going to be there to hear it after all we didn't give them our real names did we? Big question there as Miss Jo kinda groans some. Then the thought came to me that i think Dick had the right idea and say "Its Outta My League". Yes that's Dicks thoughts and i am sticking to it. So on and on we go and after another on PJ thought it was time for leg stretching and coffee and Jo and Marti wants to do a real check on Steve and poor old saddle sore Dave. They've got to do all the cleaning and fixins as they left the shaman back and What was that places name we was in...? Oh gee Miss Betty look over there good older Pam is twiddling her Thumbs ingrossed in thought about something crazy as her eyes were cross eyed to. Pam musta heard me say something as with the blink of my eye her lips started moving and we was into something no one ever thought of................!Paul
 
we was into something no one ever thought of................!
Pam:  WAKE UP!!  WAKE UP!! 
We were all passed out from drinking the Georgia Corn likker.  When we woke we were all in the waiting room of the hospital.
Dr. Goforth goes into the waiting room to talk with the VWF crew, takes off her mask. 
Bev:  HEY!!!  It's you Pam!  Where have you been the past few hours? 
Pam:  I have been under cover working with B.J. Fixitall and P.J. Enditall.  We've determined that once the stinger is removed from WHF Dave's cheek.  That we can use the procedure we have developed here, along with the prototype gossamer netting that we have developed over the past few days. 
Danny:  How's it work?   BJ:  Well you see, this is a Government secret project funded by private donations and trusts from around the world. 
Pam: We've taken DNA from all the males in the group, singled out certain strands of DNA and grew them into a fine gossamer mesh of baby fine skin that allows Dave to keep his cheek from infection as it heals.  It's sort of a glorified skin graft that will heal quickly and painlessly.  Of course, riding a mule or horse is out of the question for 6 to 8 months.
In The OR:
PJ and BJ are removing the unusually long stinger and the infectious tissue surrounding it.  Dr. Withless and I will be attaching the prototype in the next few minutes.  Just think, WHF will have a baby smooth bottom when we are finished with him!  If all goes according to plan WHF Dave will be up and about by tomorrow morning.
Jo:  Hold on now!  Explain how this all came about?  she said, testily.
Pam:  Well, Joe has been keeping tabs on everything he's seen going on out here while we have been working hard in the lab.  We were looking for the missing link between men and women...we think we've found it!
Deb B.:  Why do we keep hearing animals? 
Pam:  As Betty said, this is a deep secret project so,  well... we've been operating as a Veterinary clinic and hospital.  That's how Steve ended up spayed!  I stopped Dr. Withless from neutering him in the nick of time!  It was close, I tell you.  PJ was raring to help!
An hour later Betty, PJ and Pam come out of surgery.  Our work is complete.  With the help of the shaman we were able to finish in record time.  WHF Dave is healing as he recovers from all the anesthesia he's been given. 
Pam:  Come on in and take look at PJ's handiwork!
In a small tattooed square (above the repair job on Dave's cheek )  "Lovingly patched with a patch by:
Betty and PJ...the original Fixitall and Enditall's."
All the women admired the neat stitches used to close the wound...then headed out to sit by the camp fire Joe had made in the woods behind the hospital.  As the women sat leaning against the bus and logs, looking at the beautiful night sky and passing the last jug of Georgia Corn around.  There was the buzz of small talk and friends finally coming down from the upset of WHF Dave's miserable bite and Steve's unscheduled pregnancy....Betty looks up at the sky and sees the huge round moon and says:  There is Magic Jim's star!  
Everyone, Dave, Steve, Danny, Bev, Deb B., Pam, PJ.,Jo, Aletta, Donna, Dick, Marti, Kim, Delores, Debbie, Paul all stop to look at the bright star to the left of the moons bright light. 
It's been quite a trip.  It's taken longer this year, four days more than usual...but then, it's leap year and we deserved those extra few hours together.  To laugh, chat, tease, cry and mend some fences...be together.  We are one solid unit that is All for one and one for All.  We are VWF.
As we put out the camp fire, picked up our mess and board the bus for home.  Betty recites Magic Jim's Poem which brings a tear to her eyes, as well as others who had the pleasure of knowing him.
When I become a star,
I want you to look on me-
As a star I won't be far.
I'll search for you and
You'll search for me.
So you'll see that it's me,
Glowing to you
What a twinkle I'll be
'Cause I know it's you looking at me.
Jim Talley
June 23, 2002
The End of Our Cross Country Story 2008
A quite thought and silent prayer for our Own Shining Stars in the night sky:
Good Night Sweet Stars!
Magic Jim Talley
Tunnel Rat Jack Henshaw
Coach David
Sarge Gus Carroll
and
our amazing Ladies
Kat Baker
and
Jennie Lefevre
Missing but never forgotten

Doc Tom

vwf-2008